MEET PAUL
Where it all began.
I think one of the things that helps me be good at this is that I don’t like small talk, which drives my friends crazy. They know that when we meet up, as they put it, “we’re all going to get therapy with a cup of coffee.”
It’s not exactly true, but my work has been a passion ever since I had counselling myself. I never intended to become a psychotherapist, but the experience was so life-changing that I turned my life upside down and changed career.
Growing up in a family that didn’t show me what a healthy relationship looked like, I’d fumbled my own way through relationships – making every mistake in the book, and probably inventing a few.
Counselling helped me understand what my own relationship needed from me and how to give it. That experience has shaped much of the work I do with couples today.
MY EXPERIENCE
What I've learned from working with couples.
Over the past 15 years, I’ve worked with hundreds of couples. Some have come to me with relationships in considerable difficulty, but many fundamentally have a good relationship.
They love each other and want to stay together. What they often haven’t been given is the knowledge and practical skills to understand what happens between them when things become difficult.
When couples begin to understand what is happening between them and learn practical ways of responding differently, relationships can change considerably.
MY INSPIRATION
Why I created Better At Us.
I created Better At Us because I came to realise that not every couple who would benefit from professional relationship help needs ongoing weekly therapy.
Some couples need a better understanding of what is happening between them, practical ways of doing things differently and professional guidance when they need it.
So I brought together the relationship knowledge, practical skills and exercises I use in my face-to-face work and developed them into a framework couples could use themselves at home.
But I didn’t want to create an online course and simply leave people to get on with it. Relationships are personal and every couple is different. That’s why Better At Us also includes my professional, personal guidance.
MY APPROACH
Understanding and practical change.
For me, relationship work needs both.
You need to understand what is happening between you – what each of you is feeling, what you need, the patterns you fall into and why particular situations affect you as they do.
But understanding alone isn’t always enough. You also need practical ways to communicate, respond to emotion, manage differences, create intimacy and repair things when they go wrong.
Better At Us brings those two things together: understanding and practical change.
PROFESSIONAL BACKGROUND
Experience you can rely on.
I’m an accredited psychotherapist and couples therapist with more than 15 years’ experience working with couples.
My main qualifications include:
- Clinical Integrative Counselling & Psychotherapy – BA, Diploma, BACP Accredited
- Developmental & Relationship Therapy for Couples – Diploma Level, The Couples Institute (USA)
- Trauma, PTSD & Recovery - Advanced, UCL London
My work draws on a range of established therapeutic approaches and many years of practical experience helping couples understand themselves, each other and the relationships they create together.
IN SUMMARY
After all these years.
Many years and hundreds of couples later, I still get the same satisfaction from seeing something finally make sense to two people and watching what once felt impossible begin to change.
I’ve never lost sight of how important our relationships are, or of the responsibility that comes with somebody trusting me with theirs.
Better At Us is another way for me to share what I’ve learned and help more couples build better relationships together.